Dearest Carolyn,

Well, just as I'd decided you couldn't possibly present yourself as being any dumber, you go and impress me with a series of egregiously mindless blog entries. I have some questions pertaining to these, which I'll list below.
  • In this burst of mawkish, ersatz patriotism, you quote the lyrics of the final stanza of "The Star-Spangled Banner" thusly: "Ore the land of the free and the home of the brave." Now, perhaps our national anthem has some connection to the mining industry I'm not aware of, but I always thought that the correct words were "O'er the land of the free...", "o'er" being a poetic form of "over." I'd like your scholarly thoughts on this.
  • In the same entry, you state that "You [meaning Americans] were granted by God almighty the wonderful chance to grow up free, without being afraid of bombs going off in the market and busses exploding in the street." I'm wondering why you failed to mention skyscrapers and jetliners, which "God almighty" evidently doesn't give a rip-roaring fuck about.
  • Later in the same entry, you write: "We owe respect to that old flag that hung outside your parent’s house for it has seen them through times we cannot even begin to imagine." I'm wondering why it is you believe that your readers have only one parent apiece. Do you figure everyone has only a mother or do we each have only a father? Or perhaps there's an equal split between the two? Do share.
  • The theme of this entry seems to be that not enough Americans are willing to fight for what our forebears have given us. I'm just wondering -- other than sitting at home with your thumb up your snatch and writing blog entries at a third-grade literacy level, just what the fuck are you doing to ensure the safety and sanctity of our fair nation, other than assiduously avoiding all forms of scholarship (an evil tool of Liberalism)?
  • In an earlier entry outlining the guaranteed treachery of Democrats vis-a-vis the November elections in your wasteland of a home state, you urge people to "Print out leaflets to give to the people as they are leaving that show where they stand on the illegal immigrant’s situation." I'm just wondering who the illegal immigrant in question is and whether you expect him or her to be apprehended soon. If we can get that one immigrant out of the goddamned country, thousands of high-school dropouts from the Lone Star State will be able to reclaim their rightful jobs, because that immigrant has stolen them all. Please keep us updated on the situation.
  • In a still earlier entry, you implore your readers to "Tell {your state government leaders) you want your state to be an English only state." I'm curious as to why you would desire such a thing, given that English is clearly not your native tongue, with guttural sounds and loudly expelled "queefs" (cunt-farts, for those not in the know) no doubt serving as your primary means of "linguistic" communication. Perhaps you meant you wish certain states to be occupied only by residents of certain parts of Great Britain?
  • In an August 15th entry titled "Just My Rambling Mind," you write, "I believe God gave us a brain and he expects us to use it." Frankly, I'm wondering, given your own composition, how you could possibly place any faith in this bipartite belief.
I have other questions, but these should suffice for now. I look forward to your sage replies.


Beaming Visionary


Blogger Bill from Dover said...

Youse gotta be shittin' us.

12:18 AM  

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