Chances are good whether or not you possess a cunt that you've heard of "Plan B," a form of birth control that prevents the release of ova from ovaries. ("Ova from ovaries...sheeeeeeeeeeeit, that could be the title of Frank Zappa CD.) Naturally, America's sizable cross-eyed and cross-waving element has heard of it, and they want you to know the scoop. Well, their repackaged and enfuckled version of it, anyway.

In 2004, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) elected not to allow over-the-counter sales of Plan B, a progesterone-only compound which exerts its effects by blunting the luteinizing hormone (LH) "surge" that triggers the release of ova from ovaries. (Hot piss, but that really is melodic.) Right-wing religious organizations all but creamed their undies over this decision; for example, Focus on the Family, uberfucknut James Dobson's Colorado Springs-based band of toxic lunatics, crowed about the FDA's rebuffing of "radical feminists" (these prickslappers and their benighted adherents never tire of cliches) and, in a howlingly ironic yet typical inversion of reality, claimed that the FDA's decision somehow represented a triumph of health policy over political ideology. This from the same brick-brained motherfuckers who don't want a cancer-preventing vaccine administered to children as a requirement for entry into public schools because the vaccine summons forth images of the use of the human snatch outside the realms of marriage and baby-making.

Two weeks ago, the FDA agreed to reconvene with the makers of Plan B and re-evaluate its present unavailable-over-the-counter status. Oooh! Aaah! Religious groups immediately began spewing their expected propaganda, distortions and general bullshit which, upon cursory inspection, fail as miserably as the rest of the fucktardery these rabid assclowns continually attempt to peddle. An editorial in the Providence Journal hits the highlights, as it were, regarding the arrantly stupid claims of the begodded, while noted science and culture blogger P.Z. Myers dismantles any notion that Plan B is what wingnuts say it is (and digs up a glittering, shittering example of the lies being pumped into the public by Plan B opponents).

Anti-abortionists' opposition to Plan B underscores several things, chief among them being that people such as those involved with Focus on the Family are as fucking stupid as they appear. Rather than apprise themselves of how Plan B actually works and the fact that it may prevent as many as 1.7 million unwanted pregnancies and 800,000 abortions a year in America if made widely available, they screech and yammer about the evils of what Focus on the Family calls the "pro-abortion forces" (you know, all those women out there knockin' boots unprotected just so they can later enjoy the unrivaled pleasure of having a bloody growth scraped out of their whatzits).

Plan B has no effect on an already implanted ovum and therefore can be directly and indirectly regarded as an anti-abortion measure. But look up "knee-jerk" in any dictionary and you're apt to see a picture of some fuckheaded, leering Godidiot or one of his followers, who upon hearing the term "birth control" automatically assume that rampantly slutty teenagers and their absentee parents are involved in a Satanic conspiracy to oppose the dick-faced Lord's will in terms of sexual conduct. Never mind the fact that teenage girls undergo fewer than 1 in 6 elective abortions performed in the U.S. and that most women using oral contraceptives are involved in monogamous partnerships, with many of them married. If some chick who's already mothered five kids and takes great care of the yowling little shits doesn't want a sixth, is her using birth control still an abomination in the eyes of our limp-peckered, chancre-covered Creator? That's a bitch.

The bottom line, as usual, is that these deluded fucksticks want nothing more than abstinence from non-procreative banging and think this can actually be accomplished -- this despite reams of statistics proving that yes, even good little Christian girls are just as apt to wind up with their legs splayed wide and their toes pointed skyward so that their tender twats can receive a nice stiff cock. "Oh God!" is right. (A lot of them like it in the ass, but that's a story for another day.) It just scares the bejesus out of Bible-scrumpers that non-abortive options are available to women who want to get laid without getting knocked up, since with abortion a non-issue they can't invoke the same pathos and play the same public heartstrings as they do when the A-word's involved. When it comes to matters relating to human reproduction -- including, of course, stem-cell research and abortion itself -- these worthless cumbags are anti-science and anti-progress across the board, a predictable consequence of cherishing a misogynistic and mythical text which by definition has remained static and errant for about two thousand fucking years. Maybe when that multiply punctured piece of scrawny shit finally gets off his ass and descends from Heaven like he's supposed to have done already, and sends the rest of us to an eternal mass incineration, the God-fellators can have their way. Until then, ya scripture-flinging douche bags, get used to reality, because it's comin' at ya like a fuckin' freight train driven by Darwinists and carrying a payload of frozen embryos and synthetic hormones.


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